Why not rent a car for the day...what's the worst that could happen....

I was in Crete, I had met some really nice people at my hostel, a group of people with a very similar mental attitude as myself. Something I found out fairly quickly after we started playing 'Duck, Duck, Goose' on the beach at midnight before heading back to the hostel to play 'Wink Murder' with a couple of made up stories created by me in between. This was all on the first day I'd met these people, yet another example of how crazy life in a hostel can be but anyway the day after playing children's party games we decided to rent a car. As I was the oldest and seemingly most mature of the group, even though the games were all my idea, I said I would take on the driving responsibility. One of the reasons for this was because I hadn't driven for nearly three months and I'd never driven on the right side of the road before. It would definitely be an experience, one I would surely never forget and I don't think I ever will after the events of the day.

We received our car at about 11:30 and as there was seven of us we were given a people carrier...another first for me as my car at home is a small three door hatchback. I was told by the hire company that I would be covered by the insurance as long as I wasn't driving under the influence of drink, drugs or excessive speed. Fairly sure I could keep to those stipulations we all bundled in and we were on our way. The route to our destination, a beach about two and a half hours away called Balos, was very simple - get on the highway and stay on until you see signs for Balos. Well that's easy enough I thought, we drove to the edge of the little town we were staying in and saw the sign for the highway so we followed that...only to realise I'd taken the road too early and we were going down a road adjacent to the highway. After a quick three point turn I set off back down the road we'd just driven and eventually found the way to the highway. This time we really were on our way. As I said the route was very simple, it was just one long straight road. The journey there was very enjoyable, we had a round of 'The wheels on the bus go round and round' continuing the children's party theme from the night before and a very short rendition of 'Old Macdonald had a farm' before I pulled over to get some fuel. After the fuel stop the conversation turned to a much more serious nature: 'what were we going to name the car?' This sparked a number of different suggestions but in the end we decided to plump for Bessie due to the size and colour of the car. Bessie started off as a big white people carrier but it wasn't long before the dust from the road gave her some nice brown patches, similar to that of a large cow so Bessie was the most apt name. Bessie trundled on towards the destination and after a couple of hours we saw signs for Balos. We followed them and it was only when we started to climb up a mountain that we thought we might not be going the right way to the beach. We pulled over and asked a sightseeing couple to point us in the right direction and they told us we'd passed the turning about a kilometre back. So once again I was required to do a three point turn, this time it was made slightly trickier by the fact it was on a narrow mountain road but I achieved the aim with success...if I hadn't I don't think I'd be writing this now somehow! Anyway we set off in the direction we were redirected, found the turning and made our way towards the beach. En route we went through some very narrow streets that I think I would have struggled to drive down in a smart car let alone a massive bovine styled people carrier. Having said that we got through and made our way to the entrance of the beach. We were required to pay 1 euro each to enter and were then told the car park was a further 7km away. 'That's fine' we thought, 'ten minutes and we'll be there'. Half an hour later and we're still trundling along this road, the reason being it was an unpaved dirt road with large rocks protruding out of the road surface ready and waiting to throw you off track. Eventually we found the beginnings of the car park and while looking for a place to park we were distracted by the sight of a goat sat on the side of the road looking out over the fantastic view off the side of the mountain. When we got closer we realised the goat wasn't sitting, it was in fact squatting, it was literally having a pee with a view, apparently even goats realise that if you have to go to the toilet then you might as well do it in style. Leaving the urinating goat to it's view we found a space for Bessie, the only problem was the necessity to parallel park on the edge of a mountain in a car about as maneuverable as a fat person on an EasyJet flight. I actually managed to park it on the first attempt, I think the thought of certain death if you fail is quite a good motivator! Anyway we parked up and made our way to the beach. We spent a good few hours in one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen although we did make sure we played 'Duck, Duck, Goose' and 'Stuck in the Mud' in the water before we had a little round of the 'Hocky Cokey'. It's a good job the hire car company didn't see this behaviour, they'd have most probably had us sectioned instead of letting us loose in one of their vehicles! By the time it came to leave, we'd had a very enjoyable day and the sun was just starting its fairly rapid descent to the horizon when I got back to the car. I said I'd pick the others up so I got back into Bessie and drove down to the others, they suggested I turn around and seeing a fairly spacious car park I thought it would be easy. It would have been easy as well, my third three point turn of the day, the one least likely to cause an accident...well that would have been the case if the sun wasn't in the most awkward place in the world. It was literally just below the sun visor and my sunglasses were about as useful as a chocolate teapot. I was fairly blinded and not seeing any cars in front of me I guessed it was clear in front. A thought which lasted all of two seconds as I managed to drive right on top of two extremely big rocks, obviously the reason for the lack of cars in front of me. The massive 'bang scrape' was enough to stop me in my tracks and the bumper swinging off as I reversed back suggested that I'd done a bit of damage. On closer inspection we found the bumper hadn't been screwed on at all, it was just pushed and held in place by the wheel arches by the look of it. Seeing this we decided to push the bumper back on as best we could, I managed to successfully turn the car around and we set off down the dirt road again. After about 5 minutes of driving we stopped to inspect the bumper again and it was starting to come off again so we got out to repair it. We'd pretty much just got it back in place when we heard shouts from inside the car...it was rolling down the mountain without anyone at the wheel - the handbrake clearly doing a fantastic job! One of the guys jumped into the driver's seat, yanked the handbrake up as far as he could and the car stopped once again. We went back to continue fixing the bumper and this time we heard a fairly satisfying click when we pushed it into place. It took about an hour to complete the short 7km stretch over the dirt road, routinely checking the bumper was still in place before we made our way back to the highway to drive the two hours back to our hostel. Thankfully the bumper held firm although the guy in the passenger seat did check the bumper every so often...we didn't stop, he just lent far enough out of his window to be able to see. One of the reasons for this was we were up against a time limit to return the car. By the time we arrived back in the town we'd started from we had one last check of the bumper and all seemed fine, the company didn't quibble it either, even if they had I'm fairly sure I would have been covered by the insurance...I wasn't drunk, I definitely hadn't taken any drugs and considering the bump occurred whilst the car was moving at 2mph, I think I qualified for the not excessive speeds part!